You’ve probably heard the adage that you get wiser as you get older. And there’s one definite truth to this — I’m getting older.
Now that I’m in my 30s, I can honestly say that I did some really dumb things in my 20s. That doesn’t mean I’m smart or have any authority, but it does mean that I’ve recognized many of my faults from my younger years.
While I’ve made some revelations, I also confess to being judgmental. There are many behaviors that wreak of immaturity and are red flags when building relationships. So if you’re acting like a 22-year-old in your 30s, you’re probably not going to build close bonds with people in your age group.
By this point, I’ve taken more than 30 trips around the sun, so I know I can’t tell you what to do. But, I can tell you that my life would be worse if I indulged in any of the ensuing activities.
Truly caring about celebrities
It’s not uncommon for teenagers to obsess over celebrities. We see it portrayed in TV shows and movies, but at some point, people should outgrow these obsessions. Now that I’m in my 30s, I’m alarmed by the number of people who expect me to know, and deeply care, about their favorite celebs.
I doubt there will ever be a time in my life when I don’t have my favorite musical artists, actors, and entertainers — but they’re that: entertainers. I want to be able to express that I dislike Taylor Swift’s latest project and allow that to be a trivial opinion. Yet I encounter many people who feel offended by this statement and take it as a personal attack.
Often, I find these people difficult to communicate with. If they’re that obsessed with a celebrity, their other priorities are likely misaligned.
An inability to handle being wrong
Part of being an adult means knowing you’re not always right. Everyone makes mistakes, and there are times when you’re going to have to own your faults. Yet some people can’t handle this; rather than apologize and move on, they try to find someone else to blame.
Adults know that being wrong is a part of life, and when there’s an issue, they try to rectify the problem. There are even times when you know you’re not wrong, but rather than play the blame game, it’s more beneficial to find a solution and move forward.
Always being a pushover
There are times when people need to admit they’re wrong, but there are also times when you can’t allow yourself to be walked on. There are times when that line can get blurry, but nobody should allow themselves to be a pushover. When people are constantly draining your time, money, or emotional well-being, you need to defend yourself. This doesn’t mean you should lash out, but it does mean voicing your concerns and prioritizing yourself.
In recent times, there have been more people who will avoid confrontation at all costs — even avoiding actions that mightlead to confrontation. These are people who won’t make phone calls, ask questions, or submit forms because they’re confusing or unfamiliar. But, you can’t put life on hold just because something is unfamiliar, and sometimes that means initiating conversations you don’t want to have.
Habitually bailing on plans
When you enter the workforce, you quickly discover that the daily grind can be exhausting. While you want to maintain your social life, sometimes you’re just too tired to stick to your plans.
Recently, canceling plans has become a bit of a meme for “introverts” who seem to take pride in staying indoors rather than going out. Eventually, you’re going to stop receiving invitations — but that’s fine if you’re OK with losing the friendship.
The real problem: Bailing at the last minute is incredibly selfish. One person is going to get their hopes crushed for the comfort of the other one. It’s a different story if you give adequate notice or decline the initial invitation, but if you always make an excuse at the last minute, you’re only considering your own feelings.
Constantly fantasizing about your ‘glory days’
We all know that one person who was captain of their high school football team, was the popular kid in school, or was president of their sorority or fraternity.
There’s nothing wrong with having fond memories from school, but life shouldn’t stop after graduation. If you’re constantly trying to relive the good old days, it’s a strong sign that you don’t have much going on and could probably benefit from picking up some new hobbies.
It’s fine if you’ve remained close friends with people in your high school/ college social circles — but those relationships shouldn’t be rooted in reminiscing. Reliving your school-day antics should happen very occasionally, and these rare days shouldn’t be the reason you maintain your friendships.
Everything comes back to your feelings
A tell-tale sign that a relationship is one-sided: You can’t voice a problem and receive any type of compassion. Rather, the other person will tell you how they feel in the situation — or even worse — how much your concerns are impacting them.
In adult relationships, there needs to be empathy and sympathy. If you’re unable to receive the compassion you’re showing another person, it’s probably time to re-evaluate that relationship.
This isn’t to say that your problems can’t impact other people, but mature people know there are times when their needs come second. It may take time to learn how to empathize with the needs of others, but in your 30s, you don’t need to keep waiting for another person to grow.
Seeking validation for everything
Once you’ve entered your 30s, you’ve likely established your hobbies and preferences. These things will evolve over time, but when you want to try something new, you don’t need to ask permission.
Some people seem unable to try something different without getting input from others. It feels harmless at times — like asking whether you’d recommend Taylor Swift’s album — but sometimes people need to solve their own problems.
It can get exhausting when people are constantly seeking your perspective for every little thing. At times, it even feels like a trap — like when someone asks if they should go on a diet or if their hair is thinning. In those cases, they likely know the answer, but they just want their ego stroked… and that shouldn’t be your job.
Listening to everything you hear online
I get it, I just wrote this article — but like I said in the intro, I can’t tell you what to do. Not every piece of advice you hear online should be taken as fact, and it certainly won’t apply to everyone’s situation.
You don’t need to follow every routine you find on TikTok and indulge in every Instagram trend. Take the information you read online as suggestions, because everything you see on the net has the potential to be fake.
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